| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2007|11:31 am] |
SweetRhapsody333: but don't expect anyone at this stupid little school to appreciate you
SweetRhapsody333: because they all have known you since forever... we're all stuck in our little roles
SweetRhapsody333: I know a guy from danvers would never date me, because they all know me from when I was a fat little nerd
SweetRhapsody333: and I can't change their minds
SweetRhapsody333: we're all appreciated here for what we once were, not what we are |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|07:45 pm] |
Is it pathetic that Facebook just ruined my day?
Yes, it is.
I don't know. I just hate people right now.
I talked to Luke last night. Bitched him out, too, for being insensitive. I told him how I always listen to his stupid bullshit even though I could care less and I'd appreciate if-- for once-- he could just let ME talk about MY PROBLEMS and the things that are important to ME. And I almost cried-- again-- because I started off on a whole "you were never there for me when I needed you and Joe was always there for me when I needed someone! You've always been so insensitive and you've never cared about me! Blah Blah Bitchy Bitchy Bitch!"
And it's so hard to be strong and not to call Joe, because I really want to. I only have a few days left, really. I mean, I could stop Thursday if I wanted to instead of Monday. I want to apologize and tell him I realize how wrong I was. I want to tell him that I love him and I can make this better again. I just want a second chance.
I'm just in such an uncomfortable place right now, but I know I need to be in that place if I ever want to fix the relationship between Joe and I and if I ever want to overcome my problems in general.
Ever wish you were an armadillo? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|11:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Eyes" by Rogue Wave | ] |
Again, I love how I only write in this journal when I’m unhappy.
I’ll first say that I’ve been dealing very well considering what’s happened. Maybe that’s because I don’t feel like this is the end.
And before I say anything explicit, I’d like to just state the fact that I’m sick of the bitchy little backhanded comments that people like to make-- maybe thinking they’re witty-- because I don’t think that anyone has the right to do that to anyone’s face. I mean, God, make fun of it behind my back like a normal person. I love you, really I do, but I don’t think I deserve the nastiness.
Joe broke up with me. Day after Valentine's Day. For once, everything I was paranoid about came true. And I guess maybe that’s the lesson here, because I really do think I realize where I went wrong. Because of all this fear, I have the tendency to hang on too tight. You know being “clingy.” A lot of guys seem to complain of this characteristic of their girlfriends. The thing is, though, I know that I did it. And I am truly sorry. And I can fix it. I just need a chance to do so. Joe needs some time to cool off, I think, because he was a little bitchy the other day over me trying to get in touch with him because he didn’t feel like talking on the phone or whatever. So I think I just need to take a couple weeks where I leave him alone for the most part before I start the active part of mending this whole goddam thing.
I actually handled it better than I thought I would. Joe was crying. Randy says he wasn’t, but if that’s the case, he’s pretty good at fake crying.
I just don’t think it all had to happen this way. Joe said over and over again that it wasn’t my fault at all, but I know in part it is.
I was crying and I just told him "listen, I love you," and he told me he loves me, too, but right now he can't see another way to handle this situation. Shoot me.
And what hurts me maybe most is the change in his feelings for me, because right now he loves me like his guy friend. That’s something I’ve always loved about myself, that I can be one of the guys, and I thought that that was something that Joe would really appreciate, because I can hang with him and his friends and I’m not overly girly all the time, but I guess that I was wrong. I was under the impression being good friends is an important part of a romantic relationship, and I still believe it is.
And he said that he wouldn’t be surprised if we get back together.
And we talked for about three hours, half of that time just being casual talk as if nothing had happened. And before he hung up, I stopped to tell him I love him and he said "I love you, too, Ness." And I don't even know how that makes me feel. I know he didn't mean it how I wanted him to but I like to think there's a little of that left in him somewhere, a part of him that still wants to be with me.
I just want it so badly because he’s a good guy, despite what certain friends of mine seem to think for no founded reason. It's like I get something I really want, something that means the world to me, and I go and screw it up. It's like some self-sabotage thing or something. I should've learned from Luke that I tend to be clingy and I need to work on that. I wish Joe would've said "hey, I need some space" instead of jumping right to breaking up. I know that no matter what, we're going to be the best of friends. I know when he says "I'll always be there for you when you need me" he means it.
I finally have someone in my life that I love so much, someone that I can show every side of myself to, someone who I feel can be my rock, someone who I would do anything for, and I blow it.
I'm just so sorry. And I wish he knew that. I wish he knew how sorry I am for how I handled myself. Because maybe he'd forgive me.
So far I haven’t told many people about what happened. As far as I know, Randy, Brandon, Dianna, other assorted friends of Joe’s, and Luke know about it. Yes, Luke. Mr. I’m-Way-Too-Fucking-Cool-For-You must be getting lonely, because he called me up like the day after this all occurred and I ended up bawling over the phone to him. He showed me he has a soul, which is nice, because he chose not to be an asshole and was actually quite supportive and sympathetic, which I was not expecting at all. Like, why was he never like that when I was going out with him? Honestly, I don’t understand guys.
And I’ve tried to tell Keri like twelve times, but she never has time to come have a sit-down with me because she’s always with Brian. They’re like friggin’ Siamese twins.
Randy was the first person I took the initiative to tell. Of course, he already knew. The word got around to the men folk quicker than I thought it would. I went to the movies w/ my guys that night-- Joe bailed, but maybe that would have been too awkward anyway-- and Brandon and Tappan had already found out. I saw a side of Brandon that I didn’t expect. I dunno, just something in the really awkward exchange when we met up in line. The whole “how are you?” “oh, pretty good.” And, of course, the understood “bullshit.” And then when Tappan decided he couldn’t have a little tact Randy and Brandon were all “you douche bag.” I dunno, I just wasn’t expecting sympathy from any of my man-friends except for Randy, because, you know, they’re manly men (except for Tappan).
I only had one day when I was really not doing well as far as crying goes. I still don't know if this has totally hit me yet because I have so much hope for the situation. Luke said, kind of profoundly, that maybe because of what happened between him and I, I've gotten to a place where I'm a truly stronger person.
And I talked to my friend Mark, and he says for awhile I just need to relax and let myself be happy and let Joe do the same. He said that after awhile, it'll all cool down and Joe will wonder where I'm at. Boys don't like to be chased too much. I agree.
It's all really hard, because no matter what way you slice it, I really want Joe to forgive me and let us have another chance, but that means me letting go of him a little bit and just trusting that, no matter what, everything is going to be okay. And hopefully that means us getting back together.
Final thought: if you want to be an asshole because I feel like ranting about this whole thing, I don't want to hear it. We all have times when we're hurting and eventually we all need our friends to support us, not get up on their high horses. |
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| Happy Birthday to Me! (In 19 Days) |
[Jan. 5th, 2007|02:23 pm] |
Okay. So basically I'm really bored. I don't know whether I should try and see what Joseph is doing because he's depressed lately. Maybe he needs alone-time. And maybe that would help me not feel all stressed-out and "omg, am I making you unhappy?" and all that, because my mental problems are vast and many. So what better way to put off trying to be social this evening than writing a list of what I would like for my birthday? That's right, no better way exists.
So, if you read this, this is what you can get me, since you love me and plan to buy my things.
1. Anything Beatles-related is good choice.
2. Jewelry-type things. Like really expensive diamonds and stuff. Or really inexpensive cubic zirconia. Just make sure I can't tell.
3. Panera gift cards.
4. A coupon for "One Free A on the Physics Midterm."
5. A plastic bag to put over the head of a certain Russian (or Boobah... or Degrassi...) that has "BREATHE DEEPLY" written all over it.
6. A time machine.
7. A pony.
8. DVDs of the entire history of ANTM so me and Covino can watch them while playing with the Gazelle.
9. Another pony to keep the first pony company.
10. Scarves that have been imported from countries I've never heard of, but MUST be fancy for just that reason.
11. Snakes on a motherfuckin' plane.
12. Paul McCartney serving me breakfast in bed.
13. Ringo Starr serving me lunch in bed.
14. A digital camera that doesn't make me want to stab things in anger.
15. The ability to dance (they probably have it at Wal-Mart).
16. A third pony.
Okay, bored with this now... must go eat food... quite starved...
Love. |
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| chicken wing? |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|07:03 pm] |
Sometimes my desire to give the whole world the middle finger is almost irresistible. If there’s one thing I’m learning about life, it’s that people don’t have their priorities in nearly the same order as I do.
Here is how my whole day went-- in list/points-system form. This is why I am currently trying to reverse my annoyance by getting over myself and realizing that its only my odd personality that makes me so aggravated over these things.
1. I woke up with my back not hurting. This was a good start, considering last night the muscle in my back that was pulled or something for three days had me close to tears. Usually only emotional pain does that to me. So that can get +50 bonus points.
2. The milk was frozen. Like, milk slush. Weird, I know, but I kinda like it when that happens. I poured a cup of it with Ovaltine. +10.
3. My mother nagged me about college stuff. That woman does not realize I know what to do with myself. I’m not seven anymore. -15.
4. I couldn’t find anything too good OnDemand. C’mon, don’t you hate that? All those shows and nothing to watch… -20
5. I called people. The boy told me he’d call me back about plans. Because basically every Friday and Saturday Joe and I hang with Randy and Dianna and maybe Brandon. I am a creature of habit. I am happy to hear that the tradition will continue. +600
6. I realized that I probably won’t end up finishing Inferno in time. -500 in stress points (and by that I mean I’m ADDING stress… confusing, yes)
7. I watched MadTV. +8, ‘cause old SNL is always better that any MadTV ever in my opinion. Comedy Central should be ashamed that they no longer air SNL.
8. As an afterthought, I couldn’t find anything to eat for lunch. I ate two rolls with unsalted butter and some coffee. Not very satisfying. -300.
9. I wait like 3.5 hours, no call from Joseph. I ponder whether I should call him and be annoying. I figure it’s okay, because he knows I like to know what I’m doing and he said he’s “call back soon.” At this point I am slightly annoyed, especially since I just should’ve taken the initiative to say “let’s hang out now” 3.5 hours ago. -117.
10. Joe answers the phone with “Yes, Ness?” His tone is something along the lines of you’re-calling-again-but-why? so I do the whole sorry-I-know-I’m-annoying-but-please-think-I’m-awesome-anyway voice. Joe is eating sushi with the boys, which leads me to think all kinds of typical-of-me paranoid thoughts (i.e. “does this mean he never meant it when he said he’d like to hang?” “do the other girlfriends get to go and I’m just the loser?” “does he realize that I always see him on Friday nights and that this is totally throwing off my Friday?” “what the fuck?!”). I say, in aforementioned voice, “okay… I guess I’ll talk to you later?” “yeah” [hangup]. So I’m a little aggravated (I don‘t even know if I got an “I love you,” ‘cause I was not in the mood to do anything more guilt-inducing than using my disappointed voice). I wasn’t about to say “Can I come too?” like a little six-year-old. I understand that he needs time to be with his fellow testosterone-filled friends, but some things are, to me, sacred. And I also wasn’t going to do the “But I haven’t seen you all weeeeeeek” thing or the “well, can we hang out afterwards?” thing, because if there’s one thing I should’ve learned by now, it’s not to be a pain in the ass with guys when it comes to wanting attention. But I was still a little upset. -1218 go-fret-about-how-uncool-and-unattractive-you-must-be points (again, meaning that hyphenated moderator was ADDED to my already non-bad state of mind.)
11. I decide to make other plans. When your boyfriend rejects you (being melodramatic, yes) for the guys, spite him with the girls. You know, those girls who are supposed to be some of my priorities because they’d totally be like “oh, but you can come eat sushi with us, girlfrien’!” no matter what the case could be. That’s right. +2
12. Someone who I know is possibly reading this bitches me out for making her my “backup friend,” which, you know, just adds to my feeling of being a loser and makes me want to grab a candlestick to wave at her threateningly at the same time. -50.
13. Nicole agrees to be my friend tonight, even though she is aware I am asking her because my supposed plan fell through and I don’t want to feel like I spruced myself up today for nothing. +70
Score for the day so far: -1480
In conclusion, this day sucks major ass. It could turn around, but I’m not gonna fully count on it. I should learn to expect life to not go as I expect it to. |
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| Feelin' so good I could do myself in... |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|06:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stuff by Mike Doughty ( =new musical love) | ] |
Just a quick update on my lovely life.
1. I got basically a new wardrobe for Christmas. Exciting. And lots of Beatley things.
2. I finally have a boyfriend who's not an ass.
3. As for that ass, I talked to him today, and I feel as if I'm no longer pining for him. He's pining for me. Sucks for him. He wanted to hang out, sort of, but he can deal.
4. My mom wants me to finish college stuff this week. Ugh. How about we avoid that?
5. I will soon be going to Panera w/ Covino, my Panera Buddy, w/ the Panera Giftcard she got me for Christmas. And hopefully we will play with the gazelle and make things Amish.
6. I submitted my lit mag stuff 3 days late. Oops.
7. I love this time of year, because my mom buys Cool Whip. Yes, the love of my life.
8. I love almost everyone. I'm just in a really good mood.
9. I might even get Joseph to myself tomorrow. Because Thursday is our 1/6th anniversary (yes, I am tracking the relationship in fractions) and I'm working, so we have to have some just us time sometime this week.
10. Um... okay, not much else to say. Except that my lower back is killing me. Meh.
11. Sincerely, Vanessa |
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| My mother makes me want to shove toothpicks in my eyes. :) |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|06:00 pm] |
First and middle name:
--Vanessa Nicole
How much have you ever spent on a single item?
--Um... I don't really know. Kung fu lessons come to mind, but I'm sure that's not it.
Do the ends justify the means?
--Sometimes.
What's the worst thing about high school?
--Homework, bitchy girls, too much drama, living with my mother...
What's the most bestest thing about high school?
--Still being sort've a kid.
What's bedtime?
--10 or 11 on weeknights. Usually.
What's waking-up time?
--6:14 AM
Dream Job?
--Medical examiner who writes poetry and short stories on the side.
Nightmare job?
--Hole-punch girl?
If you had a spare $1000, what would you do with it?
--Bribe the Tufts admissions folks to accept me.
What do you miss most from your childhood?
--Not having to worry.
If you could live anywhere on the planet, where would it be?
--Anywhere that isn't with my mother. Anywhere that I can be in the company of my love, whomever he turns out to be.
Which would you choose-Lady or the tiger?
--Tiger? Because they're vicious?
On a scale of 1-5 symbols of your choice, how much do you care about being politically correct?
-- ~ I care a whole tilde.
Plays or musicals?
--Uh... I dunno. Musicals.
Your answer to the question above or TV?
--TV
Your answer to the question above or books?
--Depends on my mood.
If you had to be on a reality show, which would it be?
--America's Next Top Model, because Tyra will love how I'm trying to make it in a world of tall people! FIGHT THE POWER!
If you were to have a child right now, what would their name be?
--Male: Peter, Female: Anna or Rose.
And, finally, what is the meaning of life?
--I'll tell you when I get there. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2006|04:44 pm] |
Fuck it.
I was having a good night. Kinda. Work sucked, because I worked like 6 hours for 21 bucks, and I wish I could be mad at Ardit, but it wasn't his fault Eileen decided to be a retard and had us both stay.
Then I went home and talked to Joe. Well, bitched about my night and forced the issue about what the hell he wants to happen with us, because I don't want to get screwed over in more than one sense of the word. And I guess he said he liked me and that he'd want to date me, but I didn't get the chance to ask him if that was an official proposal or an idea for the future. So I might have a new boyfriend. I don't even know.
I ran out of time because Luke was drunk and complaining about wanting to talk on the phone. Fine. So I go because I have obligations to my friends sometimes. And he told me he basically quit school to do some work program and become a Blue Beret over the summer. He went from finally wanting to succeed to dropping out. Wow. And he admits he now has a habit of drinking when he's stressed and nervous, whereas he used to have a little more control.
And I think to myself "this, ladies and gentlemen, is the guy I, Vanessa, actually dated, the guy I actually am madly in love with... a guy who is spirally downward yet going nowhere."
I decided to give him one last shot, one last chance to compromise so I can be at peace with whatever decision I make. I love him, but I want to be happy. I'm not happy having no one in my life, a male figure who I can lean on and be with and stuff. I'm just not happy being alone right now. I like Joe quite a bit, so don't think I just want to date someone to be dating someone, for some title. It's not that at all.
And he rejected me. The guy who I have so much faith in as a human being who has just gone against all my beliefs that he can do it, goddammit, and then disappointed me and whose life is going nowhere and who is being given the chance to have someone in his life who actually IS going somewhere and could help him and support him, rejected me. Pathetically, I maintain that I love that boy to death. I asked him to compromise, asked him to just give me a shot, one last shot in the dark, and he said flat out "It's not going to happen," and that he didn't see us going anywhere and it's no one's fault and all this bullshit.
"I'm not going to be your boyfriend again." Followed by the most devastated, confused, horrid silence ever.
That is the boy who used to say he loves me.
And who is the broken one in this thing? Yes, I am stupid to reach out to him a billion times and just set myself up to get my heart trampled again, but he's the one who doesn't see.
"I love you, and I really care about you... why doesn't that matter to you?"
"I didn't say it doesn't."
Yeah, basically you did. Basically you took the one person in this world who actually wants to fucking be with you, who did so much for you, who had faith in you like I assure you few people in the world have, who made it so you are the one person, for a billion and one reasons, she will never be able to forget and will continue to be SO important, and told her she can take a fucking hike.
Screw you.
We'll talk when you reach out to me, when you see where your loyalties should lie. Not with Brie. You say you're not gonna date her. Probably because she'd never date you.
We'll hang out when you express the want to do that.
Maybe.
Maybe I won't have time for you anymore. |
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| Googlism |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|02:48 am] |
These are just the ones I really enjoyed/felt true. :P
vanessa is actually a harmless viper
vanessa is the best
vanessa is married to linda
vanessa is a young lady who sincerely loves god and whose phenomenal musical ability has and will continue to bless many
vanessa is just another reason for us to thank france
vanessa is an extremely attractive young lady who seemingly has it all when it comes to jaw dropping beauty
vanessa is currently working with war child canda as the international programs director
vanessa is one of many homeless young people who gather once a week for art classes at the family shelter run by the middlesex county
vanessa is one of the most gorgeous young ladies that has ever graced porn
vanessa is a beauty queen herself
vanessa is also the loudest
vanessa is currently queensland's champion longboarder in the open and over 28 divisons
vanessa is the coolest
vanessa is looking for something in he kitchen
vanessa is the absolute sweetest of sweet kitties
vanessa is a study in bright cheery florals
vanessa is evicted and jumps for joy
vanessa is pure ebony goodness
vanessa is a silver toy poodle and we won't know her age for sure until after her vet appointment on 2/4
vanessa is a very special "angel" who certainly will make the angels in heaven "fold their wings" in awe when she sings about what jesus has done for her
vanessa is wicked kewl
vanessa is sexy and eager
vanessa is doing great she is very close to walking now she is walking the furniture and she is very talkative she jabbers all day but she still knows the
vanessa is traumatized and stews endlessly
vanessa is featured in the latest issue of ym magazine with enrique iglesias on the cover
vanessa is tied on a bench
vanessa is back baby
vanessa is one of the bridge bunnies
vanessa is the first "victim" to receive the what not to wear treatment at the hands of the self
vanessa is a new functional house furnished with taste
vanessa is convinced it's a boy
God, do I rock. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|11:22 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor | ] |
I think that Luke Rasmussen is now officially "seeing other people."
I don't this for sure, but Myspace sucks so much that I have a strong hunch.
And let the record show, I am not crying.
My heart may have just been run over by a moster truck with flaming spiked wheels, but I am not crying.
First I was afraid,
I was petrified,
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side.
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong;
I grew strong,
I learned how to carry on.
And so you're back
from outer space,
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed my stupid lock,
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me.
Go on now go, walk out the door,
just turn around now,
'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
You think I'd crumble,
you think I'd lay down and die.
Oh no, not I;
I will survive;
as long as i know how to love,
I know I will stay alive.
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart,
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart,
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself;
I used to cry;
But now I hold my head up high.
And you see me
somebody new.
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you.
And so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
Now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
Go on now go, walk out the door,
just turn around now,
'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
You think I'd crumble,
you think I'd lay down and die.
Oh no, not I;
I will survive;
as long as i know how to love,
I know I will stay alive.
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
etc. etc. etc.
I hope this girl rapes his emotions in the ass. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2006|06:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Babylon | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Popular" by Nada Surf | ] |
*My dog has pancreatitis, but I think she'll be all right. She's been very very ill.
*I've been invited to the Marine Corps Ball. It's very exciting, and I already have the dress chosen/in my possession.
*I have tons to do.
*I'm feeling more and more torn.
*Because I don't know if it'll ever work.
*But I still want to see him this week, because I'm that cool that I still have hope and love him and think he's a cool kid.
*When he's not being a douche.
*:)
*I wish certain other captains would take responsibility instead of leaving it all on me because they think I don't do anything. Yeah, because of that, I'm the one who does EVERYTHING. Fuck you. You're a bitch. I don't appreciate you and your buddies talking shit about me. Fucking losers.
*I think I might have a chance at being voted Teacher's Pet for superlatives. That excites me. I breezed through a few of the papers and saw my name on like 3 and I know I voted me for that and so did another of my friends. I'm such a dork that I hope I'll win. WANTING to be voted Teacher's Pet should be something that automatically gets it for you.
*Oh, and another person, too: you honestly think you're so cool, and I'm not saying you're not, but sometimes I really hope you fall on your face when it comes to certain things so you stopped having such a goddammed attitude. :)
<3Vanessa |
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| You came out of nowhere, made me smile, Then tore me in two. |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|07:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Someone More Like You" by Nickel Creek | ] |
You know what? Sometimes I just want to say "forget it." Because what the hell am I waiting for? A guy who I guess I love more than he'll ever love me. And I really do love him. Sometimes I don't know why, because he doesn't understand. He's oblivious. Or maybe he just doesn't care how much he hurts me. And what hurts the most is that he used to care. What did I do? What did I do to make him feel this way? I feel like I'll never really get over him. I don't want to just be great friends. I want something so much more.
And that's why I don't know if it would be fair to really give Joe a chance if he ends up wanting it. What if Luke comes back? I know that I can't promise that I won't fall back into his arms again. I don't want to hurt anyone. But I kind of want to try to move on, even if it doesn't work. Because maybe I'll be happy.
And, Luke, what right do you think you have to hurt me? What makes you think anyone else in this whole world will be willing to do all the things I did for you? You screwed over one of your few true friends. I just don't get it. Me of all people, someone who never tried to do anything but make you happy. And maybe I failed at times, but I tried. I don't get why I don't get another chance. I obviously like you more than any other girl you know.
Well, fuck you and anyone you choose to go to now. I kinda hope you get fucked over like I did so you see how it feels to really love someone and then get torn apart for no real reason other than wanting to be with them.
Who the fuck do you think you are? |
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| Marching Band Goes To China: The Movie |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|11:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
So, Covino and I are cool. Hopefully hardly anyone reads this so we won't get lynched at school.
SweetRhapsody333: we WILL go to china
SweetRhapsody333: and maybe someone will make an inspirational movie about us
SweetRhapsody333: our struggle to overcome
SweetRhapsody333: and then we go to china
SweetRhapsody333: and there is drama and we succeed anyway
covino of oz: i wanna be played by robin williams!
covino of oz: you can be playedby danny devito
covino of oz: pat can be that mini me guy from austin powers
SweetRhapsody333: I love you
SweetRhapsody333: I really do
covino of oz: eva will be played by joan rivers
SweetRhapsody333: or janice dickenson
SweetRhapsody333: janice looks more like eva
SweetRhapsody333: and is still bitchy
covino of oz: eva will be played by janice dickinson
SweetRhapsody333: boobah can be played by a troll doll
covino of oz: degrassi will be played by johnny depp
SweetRhapsody333: he doesn't have a chin?
SweetRhapsody333: or because he has the power to be crazy and emo?
covino of oz: no but he was emo in sissorhands
covino of oz: we can surgically remove his chin
covino of oz: jacque will be played by eddie murphy, megan will be played by paris hilton and athina will be played by a stuffed animal on a skateboard because she won't have any lines
SweetRhapsody333: but megan is perfect... paris hilton is a ho-bag
covino of oz: i know
covino of oz: that's why it'd be funny
SweetRhapsody333: lol
SweetRhapsody333: ironic
covino of oz: yes
covino of oz: craig and andrew will be played by the siamese twins from ancient china
covino of oz: bob will not have a physical being, he'll be a radio like charlie from charlie's angels, only with an american eagle baseball cap
covino of oz: mr. cohen will be played by superman
covino of oz: stephen will be played by carson from queer eye
covino of oz: kelly joy will be played by nicole richie, but she won't have any lines anyway
covino of oz: doyle will be played by michael richards (aka kramer from seinfeld)
covino of oz: pdawg will be played by tim gunn
covino of oz: only less gay
SweetRhapsody333: lmao
SweetRhapsody333: that'd be perfect
SweetRhapsody333: can steve schapero be kayne?
covino of oz: no, stephen is being played by carson from queer eye
covino of oz: i said that already
SweetRhapsody333: or, right
SweetRhapsody333: forgot
SweetRhapsody333: who will be nicole?
SweetRhapsody333: what celebrity is a sarcastic bitch?
SweetRhapsody333: oh, she can be joan rivers
covino of oz: lol ok
covino of oz: gutz will be played by a crash test dummy strapped to a wheelchair with an arrow through its head
covino of oz: taryn will be played by the entire dallas cheerleading squad in pink
SweetRhapsody333: lindsy m should be lindsy lohan, because she reminds me of her
SweetRhapsody333: annoying and very matchily wardrobed
covino of oz: pia will be played by hilary duff
covino of oz: jenna larson will be played by haylie duff
SweetRhapsody333: jude law should be in it.... is there anyone really hot in band?
SweetRhapsody333: or who likes to do nannies on pool tables?
covino of oz: the clarinet section will be played by large wooden blocks that we can move around as we need, except for gloria, who will be played by santino
covino of oz: or maybe poles instead of wooden blocks
covino of oz: yes, wooden poles
covino of oz: who am i forgetting?
covino of oz: iceman will be played by jackie chan
covino of oz: ooo i messed up, margot should be played by paris hilton
covino of oz: megan will be played by anna nicole smith
SweetRhapsody333: haha, nice
covino of oz: ok, who else needs to be casted?
SweetRhapsody333: you realize you're cool as soon as your music is on shuffle and a track from a Teach Yourself Gaelic CD comes on
covino of oz: pepe will be played by horatio sanz, but will be killed in the airport on our way to china
covino of oz: marc will be played by a runway model
covino of oz: or mark, whatever
SweetRhapsody333: Miss Jay
SweetRhapsody333: lol
SweetRhapsody333: or Kate Moss
SweetRhapsody333: but she's not tall enough
covino of oz: no, she's not
covino of oz: maybe lily cole because she's getting into acting
SweetRhapsody333: maybe that fatass size 4 from project runway can do it
covino of oz: hell no! we won't have enough food on the set to feed her fat ass every day!
covino of oz: we'll get a REAL model who's skinny who won't eat
SweetRhapsody333: lol
covino of oz: even if it's not summer, doug will still be in the movie, and he will play himself, dammit
SweetRhapsody333: lmao! yes!
covino of oz: lol
covino of oz: anyone else?
SweetRhapsody333: the o'connors can be the olsens
SweetRhapsody333: because the olsens are also perfect
covino of oz: yes!
covino of oz: agreed
covino of oz: you need to put this in your lj :OD
SweetRhapsody333: I will |
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| I felt like yelling "make it go away!"...and then she whispered "how could you do this to me?" |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|05:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | heartbroken | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Hate Me" by Blue October | ] |
Dammit.
Dammit.
Dammit.
I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel all this over and over again.
I just want him to see it. I want him to see that we need each other. I want him to see that I could love him more than anyone else. I've been so willing to try so hard for him. I just wonder if he could've tried harder for me.
I'm trying not to blame myself.
And maybe I'll go on that date Randy wants me to go on with his friend someday. Maybe it would help.
But I don't think I could be fair to anyone right now. It's not fair to try and have a relationship while you're so in love, so set on one person.
God. I just want him back. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|04:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Chairville | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "In My Life" by The Beatles | ] |
*sigh again*
Okay, well.
I went to a tennis meeting and then directly to a CAP meeting. That'd be Civil Air Patrol, Luke's lovely military thingy. I think I'm going to be forced to join, I really do. But it was fun. Everyone was really cool, and I swear to God I've seen Sgt. Davidson somewhere before. I think he goes to the prep, so maybe.
And I couldn't believe Luke still wants me to join and all. Such a weirdo. I wonder, being the paranoid person I am, what he's told the other dudes about what happened blahblahblahtryingnottothinkaboutit.
First he was friendly, then he proceeded to ignore me and sit in some random place, leaving me stranded with people I don't know, and then he tried to make sure I knew what was going on in drill (which I tried to act like I already knew what was going on just to make him feel dumb, because there are times I want him to know he's the dumbest and smartest person I know), and then he tried to act like a dumbass to me in drill, but I think it was more playful, and he also told me he thought I had too much makeup on (mascara, a bit of foundation, and a little lip gloss, thank you very much).
And so we get back to my house, and I ask him in. As usual, he's like "meh, do I HAVE to???" and I said he did. So we went in and I got something for him. A note I wrote him (versus a very nice letter I was going to send him/finished on the day we split... ironic, yes?)
I'm not going to go into loads of detail, but he had something very important to take care of financially that he obviously could not take care of, seeing as he's unemployed and couldn't ask his parents. And this situation was getting very bad and looking ominous. So I took care of it for him. At first he didn't want to take the money, but I insisted. And I got a very sincere "thank you." And I asked for a hug and got it. And he said thought I looked really nice, to put it nicely, lol.
My God.
He should realize how much I do for him, especially how much I do for him that no one else would ever do. I think he doesn't get that sometimes.
Have hope. Have courage. Have faith.
Hopefully he'll come to his senses. |
|
|
| Things Fall Apart... |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|10:27 am] |
I don't even know what to say or where to start.
I'm just gonna go for basic facts.
Luke broke up with me.
He has a lot on his plate right now, and he's trying to get himself together. That and he's not feeling much anymore.
We're going to be good, good friends. Not much of anything will change in our relationship, probably, just like the last time this happened, which is why it's so stupid. I'm not asking much. I'm asking us to call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Everything else remains the same. It's just a title. So maybe I just don't get why it matters so much. To me and to him.
I just want him back, because I'm so very in love with him. I don't want to be single. There's nothing in it for me at this point. I only want Luke.
It just hurts to give someone everything you've got when they can't give it back.
He says that maybe someday we can try this again when things are better and maybe he feels more sure of us. It'll probably be later than sooner. And I'm not supposed to make a big deal of this and just wait. But that's going to be hard for me. Because all I want is to have him back, to have US back. We were a very good "us."
*sigh*
Yeah, this was lovely to happen the night before the day before school. When I still have AP work.
Hopefully I'm gonna see him today, actually. It'll be interesting to see how that goes.
And before anyone goes on the warpath, he was really not an ass about it this time.
I love you guys. Anyone up for Ben and Jerry's?
</3Vanessa
[/emo bulletin] |
|
|
| Ugh... |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|07:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | In a chair | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | that's a mood? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Absence of Fear" by Jewel | ] |
I have AP work to do.
And band camp to go to.
And I have a sunburn.
And my boyfriend is in friggin' Maine.
And I have no motivation left.
And my money is soon going to be basically gone.
And I wish I was the kind of person who could blow things off.
And I wish I had more time to work out, because the state of things is getting extremely depressing and freaking me out, because I don't want to screw things up again.
And I don't feel like trying to get into college... not that I don't want to go, I just don't want to decide all these things now... not now.
And I don't really HATE my life.
No, my life is good. Things are good. Especially considering things with Luke (better than ever before in life and I love him and I don't want this happiness with US to end).
I don't know. I shouldn't complain.
I love how I use this LJ to be basically emo, though I'm not in real life. I have a different diary I write in more and about happier things. But no, you may not read it, lol.
I don't know. Whatever.
I'm sure I'll talk to you all at some point.
<3Vanessa |
|
|
| Aghhhh |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|10:06 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | In a chair | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Anakin Guy" by Weird Al | ] |
I just want to say that SOMEONE really bugs me sometimes because he decides to be immature and won't explain why he's acting like he does. SOMEONE mostly make me the happiest person alive, but sometimes I don't know what's up with him. SOMEONE told me to call back later, and SOMEONE ELSE will do just that, because SOMEONE ELSE realizes that SOMEONE sorta made plans with SOMEONE ELSE and OTHER FOLKS that he should keep, because SOMEONE is going to be gone this weekend anyway. I know that SOMEONE has a disorder and that he's moody, and to a degree he can't control it, but I know SOMEONE doesn't have to hang up and call later because he says I'm taking too long to tell him why SOMEONE ELSE called.
SOMEONE ELSE loves SOMEONE more than anything in the world, and SOMEONE means absolutely everything to SOMEONE ELSE, but something SOMEONE ELSE would love to tell SOMEONE to go fuck himself.
<3SOMEONE ELSE |
|
|
| Help! I need somebody! |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|09:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Chair | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Demon Days" by Gorillaz | ] |
Okay. So I'm employing all of you to assist me.
Name somewhere nice you have gone to eat. Somewhere slightly dressy but not insanely expensive.
Maybe I'll give you a prize if I go to where you suggest, lol.
I don't feel like writing more.
Peace out, home skillets. |
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